IT’S 8.30 on Sunday morning at the Flemington public housing flats, and a chill wind is whipping between the bleak towers, sending detritus swirling.
But that’s about the only activity, which is not what Hass Dellal wants to see, because there should be 15 young Somali, Eritrean and Sudanese men waiting. On a bus on Racecourse Road, Lebanese and Syrian teens and their fathers, who have come from Dandenong, politely wait to leave for Shepparton to join a group of Iraqis. But not one African youth has shown up.
”If it were for money or soccer, they’d be here half an hour early,” laments an Eritrean elder. ”It’s ‘Africa time’. They’re irresponsible.”
Then, 45 minutes late, Mukhtar arrives. This is his first day off in months, between working as a security guard and running a cleaning franchise to support his mother and four siblings in Melbourne, and his father and another eight siblings in Africa.
Lazy? Irresponsible? Crack! That’s another stereotype snapping. Which is precisely what Dr Dellal has been trying to do – bringing together young Muslim men and their elders to break down the assumptions and close the generation gap.
These Muslim communities have all the usual conflicts between sons and fathers, as the desire for independence rubs up against parental fears, plus an extra set brought about by the challenge of living between two cultures.
A common story in the new communities is the boy who comes to Australia with his mother at, say, five. His father is left behind in a refugee camp or jailed as a political prisoner. When the father arrives 10 years later, he wants to resume his role as head of the family, but the son has grown up in Australia, absorbing local culture, while the father has only his values and expectations from the home country. Tensions are inevitable.
Mohamad, 16, thinks it is ironic. His parents left Lebanon because they didn’t like the lifestyle, but they don’t want him living an Australian lifestyle.
”They don’t like us leaving the house without telling them, or sleeping at a friend’s house. It’s unfair. We’re almost 17 and they still think they can run our life, but if we argue it’s lack of respect. In the end, they’ve got to trust us.”
Dr Dellal, director of the Australian Multicultural Foundation, says his closing-the-gap project, of which the Shepparton trip is the culmination, has identified significant differences – generational, cultural, religious and environmental.
He designed the project after working with African youths in trouble with the police. They became frustrated and infuriated when authorities spoke to their elders, rather than them. They felt unheard, and the issues were unresolved.
At an official level, the closing-the-gap program is designed to reduce the appeal of radical Islam by stopping youths feeling marginalised and isolated, and to help the elders understand their new environment and the importance of integration. But, mostly, it’s about rebuilding trust within families and communities.
Dr Dellal says the bond needs to be strengthened so that young men feel they belong, and have an opportunity to develop leadership. But focus groups have revealed persistent problems.
For example, young people want to be accepted by their peers more than their parents. Parents worry that the children will be lured towards drugs, alcohol and sex, while the youth see this as a lack of trust.
The young people have better English, which can isolate the elders and create family tension. And they feel that their parents don’t try hard enough to learn English, instead watching TV programs in their own language.
Young people want to ”look good”, while the parents see this as a sign that their children have chosen Australia over the home culture. And many migrant communities consider that for teens to work brings dishonour to the parents, but the young people see part-time work as natural, and want the money and experience. Relationships are another big issue. Most of the boys cannot invite a friend home if they have a sister, let alone sleep over or go to parties. As for a girlfriend – let alone one from another culture? Forget it!
This is a hot topic on the bus. Mohamed says he should be able to have relationships with non-Muslim girls. Asked what would happen if it got serious, he replies – in deference to traditional Islamic teaching – that he would ask the girl to convert. ”What if she won’t?” Mohamed shifts uncomfortably: ”We’d have to talk seriously.” Another Lebanese elder chimes in: ”You still marry her, stupid.”
When it comes to relationships, the young people think religion should be no bar, but for most parents it is. Riad has lived in Australia for nearly 25 years, but would not feel comfortable if his son married a Lebanese-Christian, let alone a non-Lebanese.
The young men say there is a lot of conflict. Ali, 20, who came from Sudan five years ago, says his friend is hit every day by his father. ”He wants to go out. There’s no trust. When he goes out, his father may follow him. I tried to talk to his father, and he hit me, too.”
Mukhtar, 24, turns the conversation to hair. ”Young people would rather be accepted by their peers than by parents, because they want to fit in. Parents may want certain things without knowing what you go through outside. Some parents don’t accept gel on your hair, or the way you cut it or colour it.”
His uncle, Assenai, laughs. ”One time he had a mullet. I say, ‘Mukhtar, what is this?’ Then I thought, when I was young, I had a big Afro, and I began to understand.”
Amir, 18, came to Australia the hard way, via Iraq, Malaysia, Indonesia, Christmas Island and Woomera. He has had some terrifying experiences but has taken to Australia and plans to study architecture. He complains that if a girl sits next to him at school, Arab students give him a hard time. ”Or, if I listen to music, some say, ‘You’re Muslim, you can’t listen to music.’ I say, ‘It’s my life, God knows what I do.”’
His father, Ala, listens to the boys intently. Later, he tells Amir that if he wants to be friends with an Australian girl, that’s OK. ”It was good to hear the other boys talking and to hear the problems other kids have,” he says.
The willingness to listen by both youths and elders is a sign of the project’s success for Dr Dellal. As Ala says: ”You have to be careful the door is open between father and son. If the father closes the door, he can’t fix the problem.”
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Source: The Age
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